Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
He will never, ever, ever, ever feel differently about money. By age 28, a person's attitudes about money and paying for stuff are hard-wired. An army of therapists will not change this mindset.
That's why I don't favor trying to diagnose your husband, which I understand you are not trying to do. What's important is the behavior and whether this is behavior that you want to live with. You have not put any financial strain on him that is beyond what husband's typically do for wives.
You don't leave the house to give your husband a break from the marriage. Marriage doesn't get turned on and off. When a married couple are real irritated with each other, which is totally normal, one sleeps on the couch, or in one of the spare bedrooms.
Regardless of what you did, or who left, you would have come to this point anyway. He is a miserably unhappy man. It's not due to his job or his wife. He's just miserable. I don't consider this a medical problem, though psychiatry and therapy might be of some small assistance to him. He is who he is.
|
Rose76- I should have your private email. So you can give me one on one advice. I was thinking back today to see where I went wrong in remembering when he started getting angry. He started a couple of months after we got married. First off, he started complaining about the job. Because he has complained about the last couple of jobs I didn't red flag it. He complained because we couldn't find a house. We found a nice town house which would of been great but he wanted a house. He constantly complained about the house we have now. He said we should of got a house with a lot of property. We can't afford that but that's what he wants. Maybe in time but when people start out no one has all that. He now complains about the few good friends he had. He said to me that they don't speak. He sees one friend that he works out with everyday and that is it. Oh and did I mention he has another friend that just turned 21. He met this guy about a year ago. We seen him maybe 3 times in the last year but we see him all the time in the last couple of months. Sitting and thinking what has he been ok with or has liked and lately it isn't anything. He doesn't like anyone that was near him. He isnt happy about anything at all! He has so much and just isnt happy. He has no idea how it is to work hard and not get the best paycheck. His job is not stressful. He works from 8-4 if he's on time with a 1.5 paid lunch to a nice restaurant. Everyday. No one buys my lunch at nice restaurants everyday and I'm not a bit mad.
Once he got the job and house is when all the hatefulness started. His happy days are when he didn't work. That's it.
My dad said the same thing about insurance. He wanted me out of the house asap from day one. He thinks my H is crazy!!
After I finish school I already have a job in line. A very well paying job plus I will continue to be a coach during season. Ill be in a great area but no where near my parents. That's ok.
I have tried to get him to go to therapy. He declines. There is nothing I can do to help him. He has been good but will throw a dagger at me here and there. I had a blanket out the other day, he said where did we get that? I said your grandma gave it to me. He said oh that must have been when you were homeless. I said yes, it was when I was homeless. You are correct. He apologized a couple of times but I ignored him.
I don't plan on allowing him to ruin more of my life than he already has. I know that I cant change him. He told me again that I caused all this because I was a crappy wife. In his mind I was the crappiest wife to him. So he can go find someone else to cook his meals, serve him, fold his socks, push the drawers in, and hopefully she will spend his money. Better keep the house clean and empty his gym bag. Maybe she will do better than what I did.
Yes, he blames everyone for everything. He cant say he was wrong about anything.
What can a 28 year old be so angry and hateful about? Life has just started.
Keep all your money saved in case of an emergency. I agree with saving but to the point of being so greedy and not let your wife have money to put gas or use for household items.