I went much slower today, and ironically, when I do, it seems like there's more time. We talked about my wanting to be popular when I was a teenager, and how I need to show compassion for that part who wasn't. We talked about weight and health and not feeling I'm connected to my body. There is a lot to work on that I've never gotten into before.

But, right from the start I was nervous because T looked pretty, and she wore something similar to what she wore at my last session. Not her usual pants or jeans but a skirt, or I guess a divided skirt. I had my eyes closed when she was holding my hand but later I opened them. I was calm but told her she looked pretty and I felt she was "out of my league." She said her looks or mine have nothing to do with her feelings for me.

I don't want that part who was in love with T to show up again! I don't think it's totally transference and it scares me. I know she's attractive and I notice her hair. It's not sexual and I felt fine holding her hand. I don't know what I can do except to accept how she makes me feel. I think it's only when she dresses more femininely. Since we're discussing how I feel about my looks, the comparison to her was relevant too. I don't like these feelings!