I think people who haven't been thru trauma that had lasting effects are incapable of truly understanding. They may try but they just can't get it. It's a little like going to a funeral...u may have an idea what it means to lose someone. But not what it means to that particular person. What do u say? What can u do to make it better? The good thing is that u can pick another family from people who have been thru exactly what u r + really understand because they have been there. Hope u can find such a family here.