You don't know me, I am new. But here's some thots.
Do you have a T experienced in dissociation?
Have you had a recent meds check? if you are on meds.
If your not on meds, there are those that can help thru these rough times.
I feel for you. It must be very, very, scarey
I hope you do have some help with this, cuz it must be hard to function and think.
Can you get extra sessions, or p-doc appt to try and settle this down?
Is there stuff going on right now in your life that is causing this disruption inside of you?
Its sounds like your doing good things, drawing, writing.
Its hard to settle all when alls in a tizzy.
Manoman, wish I could say some magic words for you.
I have a safe place I goto, that is mossy, and soft, and there's a stream to play in, and its very very safe. I like to turn over rocks and find critters and stuff. Its a good place. Maybe some of you can come there for a bit. Or even one who needs a break.
Just a thot. You are welcome to come there.
Take care.