I've been avoiding this thread because I'm afraid to acknowledge my feelings. Yes, my therapy with 5 Ts ended up to be focused on my relationship with them but that's because I had that kind of pattern with real people in my life. I always thought it was a game I played, falling in love and obsessing about unavailable people. I didn't realize it was a pattern until it happened with my first T.

I began therapy because I was depressed and unhappy about a lot of things in my life. I thought the T was supposed to give me answers. I had no idea what therapy was all about! I didn't know what a personality disorder meant until that T told me I had BPD. My first T saw me through miscarriages and births, and eventually talking about losing my Mom. I learned a lot but got hooked on therapy! I honestly don't know if it's been worth it....

Each T worked on my pattern in a different way. I got attached anyway. I didn't understand it but they kept telling me it was about what I missed as an infant. I went 10 years with no therapy and that was probably good for me! Then I got that need for it again. Probably the need was for someone to nurture me. Therapy was too good. I craved it but was usually disappointed.

Yet, I learned a lot about myself and did make changes in my life. I had an explanation for my feelings, BPD. I unburdened myself from stuff from my past that I was ashamed of. I needed that very much.

Finally I have a T who is dealing directly with my pattern, and who allows me to let out those needy child parts with love and compassion. She allows love to happen in therapy. I hope that's a good thing and that I'm not deceiving myself. It's painful when part of my pattern, or call it transference, is all about m I

I don't know what the outcome will be. I don't want to ever quit therapy by choice. I want my T to be with me for the rest of my life. She's a lot younger than I am, so that may happen. But if she moves away or dies, I think I've internalized her enough to cope. So that's an indication the therapy was worth it. My T has taught me meditation and mindfulness, and how to appreciate nature, and get back to painting. TBH, though, it's the relationship I crave.
This is written quickly, as usual, without proofing. It was hard to write. The bottom line is that I don't know! I'm happier than I used to be, but was it worth it to explore all of past and my feelings, for so many years, or not? I became addicted to therapy but at least I know WHY, and an working hard to change.