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Originally Posted by dfin545
Hi all I am new here and looking for some advice. I have commitment issues, I don't cheat on women or anything of that matter, but when I start to get close to someone I push them away. I recently ended a relationship that I wish I wouldn't have. Everything was going great she about to move but a couple weeks before that could happen I got all worried and broke up. This isn't the first time I have pushed someone away. Deep down I really do want a relationship with someone and would love to start a family. Just for some reason I cant seem to do it. Has anyone had this issue and how do you get over it. Thanks for any insight.
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dfin545,
Welcome to my world! I don't cheat nor am I player but it takes very little to scare me off. I think my phobia comes from an extremely painful divorce 11 years ago. (I had no commitment issues whatsoever prior to that).
I have dated very casually for years (since my divorce) and never got very close to anyone. Then I met a wonderful woman, fell deeply in love and suddenly I became scared (I mean really scared). I broke it off with her and I could not even tell her why. It made NO sense and we were both heartbroken. I then got to work on myself and found that I have relationship anxiety. It has been a struggle to deal with.
My girlfriend was very understanding about all of this (even though our breakup was painful). We have since gotten back together but have slowed things way down. I still deal with the anxiety at times when I am with her but then I take a deep breath and think about all of her wonderful qualities. Taking things very slowly and being open and honest with her has helped me very much.
There are some good books out there that may help you. "He's Scared / She's Scared" would be a good one to read.
Give yourself some credit. You mentioned that you don't cheat. Lot of men are players (and you aren't). You are just scared of commitment.