Hi, I've been meaning to comment on your post a little bit but have been dealing with my own issues. I am an unofficial AvPD, my dr is treating me for it but won't label me. I'm going to tell you a story of what's going on with me and maybe you can find insight and learn. So I've never had family, not really. I was taken from my mother at 2-3, lived in foster care for less than a year, moved with my aunt and uncle by 4. My Aunt is biological my uncle is not. My Aunt was a very emotionally distant person the person I grew attached to, she never treated me like a mother/son type but she did give me just about anything I asked for. My uncle was a very difficult man, he was verbally and mentally abusive. I could never eat food I always had to beg or sneak it. I was very restricted in what I could and could not do. He would hit me with belts, threaten me, and force me to do manual labor. I felt like he never really wanted me there. I used to describe myself as sheltered but recently learned that's not the correct word. To be sheltered is to have people overly protective of you. What I was is far worse, I was a lock away. We all seen Harry Potter (don't say you haven't) well I basically was that living in a small space all the way through my life. It wasn't until I went to college that I was not ready to be out in the world by myself, I had no tools to build relationships. My coping was isolation. So I did that for a year and when I couldn't get funding due to my drug abuse and my Aunt/Uncle would no longer support me I had to return to their house. I had a taste of freedom and I was not ready to revert back to that old life style. Within a few years I met a girl that I would learn was NOT a good person to be involved with. She was an un-medicated bipolar person, don't know the type but it was bad. She got me heavy into drugs, it was an abusive relationship on my part (I was the abused). She would hit me from time to time, cheat on me, and always told me I was a bad person. This went on for about 3 or so years until she finally broke it off. Within about four months I met another girl. She was one of the best things that ever happened to me. She showed me what it was like to be in a healthy relationship, what family means, and how to be comfortable with being me. 9 years later (last 3 of which was marriage) we ended things (actually just last Thursday). I had been going to my doc for about two months for anxiety/depression related to work/home/me. I had really wanted to start with my home life but the dr started from another direction. Anyways I mentioned to him about the AvPD and told him that sounded like me and he's been treating me from that angle. Now if you have AvPD there's a high chance your already depressed well throw on the gasoline because I hit very near rock bottom. I have no friends, no family, my work life is shaky at best. I can tell you that it hasn't been even a week yet but I am feeling really good about myself right now.
TIP:
I've been doing everything that an AvPD person would hate to do, being non avoidant, that's it. I've been going to group meetups (actually I've only been to 1 so far) and just telling my story. I reached out to friends and family that I thought wouldn't understand and guess what, they embraced me (shocking to me). I'm starting to learn tools to manage the anxiety and depression. If your anything like me you probably fell into what I would call auto pilot mode, where we are always doing the same thing with the same people or alone. I wasn't happy with myself and I'm sad to say it took a divorce to kick start what I wanted in my life. Being me I have no real interests or hobbies, heck, I don't even know myself. Well anyways I was talking about the meetups and even though I just started I am actually having fun, I'm making slow steps to become that person I truly want to be. For example, this weekend I'm going to do Yoga (say wha!) and they are doing beer sampling during it. I looked for things that would 1) help me deal with anxiety/depression/divorce and then 2) looked for things that looked like fun and lastly 3) Looked for a way to bond people.
In a short summary, AvPD are their own worst enemy. Get to know your enemy as you really have a lot to learn from each other.
I really hope this has helped even one person, if there is hope for me then there is hope for all of us. Just need the right inspiration. SORRY for the long winded story!!!!