Last year I changed from a PO Box to a regular mailbox. I clearly remember calling my Medicaid caseworker (I'm on disability medicaid so they only pay if I meet my spenddown which requires serious medical needs in a given month--but a hospitalization rapidly reaches that point and I'm on the edge of that still) and leaving a message with my new address and a question. Her message said not to call again so I waited a month and tried again, that time not leaving my new address I don't think. She finally called me a month later, sort of answered my questions and then disappeared.

March 30 I got paperwork that was due March 20 because they sent it to my old PO Box. I called and left a message (can never talk to a caseworker) about what happened and that I'd send everything in immediately but obviously it was past the deadline since I didn't get it until then. So I spent hours gathering up the papers and mailed then I think 2 days later. The next day I got something that said I had to re-apply. So I started to do that. I was down to one question left (and if you've done this you know how much detail they require, it takes forever when you are not manic and sleepless) and logged out to finish the next day. The next day my re-application was simply gone. No records of it existed anywhere. I called my case manager and left a message on the 9th. That's when I got really sick and I didn't call her again as I should have but I also got a letter that said they'd received necessary documentation and everything I sent in was checked off so I assumed they were using that.

Now it suddenly is the day before my re-application deadline. I can't re-apply because that option disappeared from the webpage. I don't know if they are using the stuff I sent in to do the application. I have absolutely no idea what is going on except that I can't do anything to fix it until tomorrow when I will undoubtedly get voicemail yet again.

I've been waiting a year for an answer to a question I've left numerous times about how they track payments so that I know if I have to personally try to track my June surgical costs until my spenddown is met or if their computer does this. I'm probably getting close to having paid the spenddown amount but it is very confusing how it is set up so it's hard to keep track without being able to calmly and accurately sit down and compare July's bill to every bill since July and that's made even more complicated because Medicare has insisted that the claims are worker's comp although the worker's comp claim was for the other leg. Medicare has paid for anesthesia, the hospital, 5 months of PT, 4 casts, a boot and a brace, follow-up visits, but is still fighting about the surgery. Before care and after care is fine but actual surgery they fight. It makes no sense and makes billing really hard to follow.

And I can handle pretty much none of this. I need a caseworker to manage my caseworker. I know that they have very chaotic, busy jobs. I just wish one would return a call just once.

And that I could just be able to handle this without delaying until the deadline, something the not-bipolar me would never do.

I've got a big mess now. At worst I have to start from scratch but doing that right now would be so hard.

It feels so out of control when there isn't any explanation of what is happening with my very personal details submitted both online and via mail.