I will try to make it as short as possible, because it is really important to me to get as many advises as possible. I am very depressed and in a great pain, and I don't know what to do next.

I met a guy about a year ago (March 2014). We began working together in a project which I manage (I am the head of the group, it is an art project).
I started to have feelings for him at the beginning, and we had great chemistry while we were working together, but every time I tried to suggest for us to meet outside of work, in a very gentle and friendly way, he refused. I didn't understand why, and so after about 7 months I found out that he is gay.

It was a relief for me in a way, knowing that the rejection is not personal... and so, we became closer in time, going together to events, dinners at each other's house etc... and then spending nights watching movies together and so on. Our friendship was really close during February and March.

On February he had to go abroad for a course. We texted a little and kept in touch while he was there, and at the day that he got back he called me and asked me to meet up. so we did, and we spent all night together again, talking and watching a movie. During the movie he put his head on my shoulder, which felt great, but then he all of a sudden moved like he got scared... sitting a little more away, later I put my head on his shoulder... and as the movie ended he jumped and left pretty fast...

I then started to think that he might be confused about me, and maybe frightened? all those old feelings started coming back to me and I felt in love, and that there's might be a chance? and yet, I got scared that he might pull away now...

So at the following week I texted him like 2-3 times, and he barely answered... eventually at the end of that week there was a carnival, and I called to see if he wants to meet up. he was very cold and impatient over the phone, but then, as he heard that I got offended by his tone, he called me back, and then asked me to come to where he intended to be. I came, but left pretty fast as I felt unwanted there... he then came after me, and we ended up spending the next 24 hours together.

I must say that from then on, every time we met, there was bigger amount of touch, always initiated by him - holding hands, hugging and so on... it didn't get to any romantic level, but it kept my hope burning that maybe somehow he is not really gay... (I also learned that he never had a partner and hardly any experience with men, which kept me hoping even harder...).

During the following week we met a few times, and then I felt some anger coming from him... I initiated all of these meetings. The last one was for work, and he was really upset that even other people noticed and asked what's going on...

somehow we got passed that, and the next week, after a work meeting, he asked me to come over to his place, didn't want me to leave until 3:00 pm, hugging me, covering me as I was cold... making me soup and tea... it was a perfect night.

Then he disappeared again for a week. I tried to give some space and didn't contact him as well. At the end of the week there was a party that he was working in, which a while before we talked about me coming there, but he didn't call or say anything. I came with another friend. he was polite but cold again, and I left pretty fast.

The next week I invited him over my place for dinner and some completion of a previous project we had to make. he came and stayed till around 2 pm. We did little work, and mostly gave massages to each other (just that, with clothes on) on my bed.

Before he left, I told him that I need to talk to him about something, he got REALLY scared just by me saying that.... so I told him to relax and that it's not such a drama... and then we went outside and I said that he means a lot to me, that I would marry him if he wasn't gay (had to drop a little hint... )
but that it bothers me that every time after we have a great time together I suddenly feel like he is cold and away... and I don't know why and how to handle that...
My hope for empathy was lost pretty fast... as he began 'attacking' me that I have a problem and it is all in my head and so on... (though he did mention being mad about a few little things that I had no idea that they had any meaning at all). We did drink a bottle of wine earlier, so we were quite drunk, and the conversation went to some weird directions like me telling him that I am not always feeling wanted and that I am insecure (generally in life), and him telling me that I am really screwed up...
somehow it ended with a big hug, and then he left.

that was at the end of March (25th). I haven't heard from him for 2 weeks then, until I wrote him a FB message that everything is fine and I have overcome those hard feelings, and that he is really important to me and I wouldn't want to lose him.... he answered the day after that I shouldn't worry, we are good friends, and the conversation was a good thing for our relationship in his opinion, and that he will love to meet me soon. we continued chatting a little until he stopped replying.

A few days later I was around his neighborhood. I texted him that I am there and I can come visit if he is not busy. it was whatsapp so I could see that he read the message, but didn't answer at all. The day after, I tried to call him, he said that he will call me back and never did.
I then (2 days later) wrote him a message saying that "you said we were good friends and that you want to meet me... what has changed? if you are busy just say so, it is ok". he replied that he is indeed busy, and that he just "didn't see" the message, was to tired to call and there's no problem.

After that I thought that maybe I scared him too much with my feelings... that though they were unsaid, he has probably felt them... so I came up with another stupid idea- and I wrote him that one of the reasons I wanted to talk to him was to set him up with another gay friend of mine... I thought that by that it can at least end this unspoken tension that maybe was really all in my head, fix the problem and set me free... He then replied shortly showing some interest, asking who is the guy etc, and then after I wrote him back that he is a great guy and a good friend, he didn't answer and disappeared again.

Now, I really have no idea what is going through his mind. maybe he thinks that I am a psycho that imagines things... I don't know what to think, and how could he not care about me at all this way, after spending all this time with me. During the last month, since that conversation he didn't initiate any communication with me. just answered partly as I wrote. in time he even stopped liking my FB posts (he used to 'like' everything I post), even those that are related to our project.

I spent most of this month, since he was here, crying, sleeping, feeling ashamed and guilty for scaring off the person that I wanted so much to be close to... I miss him so much, and I have depression attacks in which I can cry for hours, google possible topics to find similar problems and therefore - solutions, and I just don't know what to do. It is all I can think of most of the time... I am in a loop of how I destroyed everything, how can I fix it, and how can he just don't care like that??

It was easier if I didn't have to see him again ever, but next month we are back to work on our project, and I have no idea how I can face him like nothing is wrong, after having so much pain because of what happened. I am afraid to start crying, to become even more clingy than before, or to express anger in some way. It is not healthy, not to mention that it can severely damage my work.

I really need some advises. please, anything...

Thank you.