I agree wholeheartedly about talking to your therapist about both the drinking and drug use, and about getting onto anti-depressants. Both of your current choices are depressants -- the last thing you need right now.

As for anti-depressants, think of them as added support for you while you work with your therapist to heal the past hurts. They are only a sign that you're doing good work with your therapist, and making a very big effort to recover. That's a good thing, but when it's as hard as what you're experiencing, sometimes that requires help. Sometimes it requires more help than you can get without medications.

You have my very best wishes. Do please talk to your therapist about this, and do please take care of yourself by getting appropriate medication, rather than continuing on with something you already know is not helping you.