I feel I have grieved a bit for these two people in my life but never got a chance to be specific. With all the craziness going on at the time and my sup who wasn't supportive at all I wasn't really able to. Here it goes:

Mike, my friend who I miss every day. I wish I could have been here instead of ND to come save you from your accident. I wish I would have known more about your funeral and demanded more information. I wish I would not have been so anxious to leave school and just said f it it's not worth not seeing my old friend. I hope you're doing a lot better up there. The world can be cruel sometimes so my hope is that you are finally at peace, I know you had it rough sometimes.

Grandma, who showed me love in the simplest of things. You would take the time to cut out fruits and place them in a bag for me just for my convenience. You did it without even asking b/c you probably knew I would say just keep it simple I think about you every day as well. Knowing how difficult my sup was I would have quit right there and told her where to shove it. Then I could have spent more time healing and actually focusing attention on reality. I also would have just left the house to see you instead of letting my mom say I couldn't (b/c she was drunk). I am still mad at her for doing that but maybe I shouldn't be neither of us knew you would pass away so soon.

It's hard to fight the tears that come when writing this. I just hope you both know I love you very much. I wish I could have been there more and just told the world to f itself when it got in the way of me seeing you. I will now try to continue to show others the kindness you showed me. I wish you both could have lived forever.