I think starting a journal is a great idea. You can start anywhere. You can start by introducing your self and the boy, child and older women. Putting it on paper is very cathartic. I journal and sometimes I am surprised by what I have written but I know it was me or one of my parts writing it. Everyone in my system is allowed to express what they think. But our system has rules that everyone has willing or unwilling agreed to go by. We function in the world and in order to do that we need to not stand out. Everyone agrees on that so we all go by the rules. You can let your therapist read what you have written or not. Maybe your therapist will get a better understanding of what is going on in your head.