Vent and warning... LONGGGG posts ahead, so if you busy, please skip it. Sorry!
I just want to get it off my chest, it easier for me to speak out all my feelings here online.
I was wondering if anyone here have a bad childhood with their mother, or went through something similiar in their childhood, they can share their experience. How they cope with it, how did they overcome it to live an emotional healthy life.

I feel like this childhood experienced background of mine is the roots of all the problems I'm having right now. I'm trying to find a way to fix this. I don't know if this is 'Normal' for me to still have all these internal conflicts feelings inside me. It seem like I have multiple layers of concerns and problems.
I'm apologize for the bad grammars, English is my third language.

I had a cold childhood, my father was a businessman back in our homeland China. Dad rarely home, he always on business trips working to make money to immigrant our whole family to USA, it is not cheap to immigrant to US
We able to came to USA, thank you to my father money from his hard work. Our whole family immigrant to USA when I was 12 year olds.

My mother is an abusive mother, she always take out her anger on her children (me and my older brother)
Mom emotionally/mentally and physically abusive to me. In my whole childhood, all I heard is she belittle me, scold at me, and put me down like a dog. In her eyes, I worth less than a dog on the street.

She also ‘physically’ beaten me one time. I had bruises on arms and body, tearing on my skin, and red slap hand marks across my face. Mom said parents in China physically beat their children all the time, so she thinks it okay for her to hit me here in USA
Well, she can't do that here. This went to Court for she “Domestic Child Abuse” me, and I was taken to “Froster Home” for few years before I got return home.
The physically abuse did stop. But she continue to belittle me, and being emotionally abusive to me through her words.

She is also a very controlling mom. When me and my older brother live with her, she check through our trash, digging through our Trash like we are her prisoners. Yes, she checking/digging through our Trash!! She goes through our drawers, our room, checking our trash every single day.
I don’t know how can anyone breath living like that, that is why I left home.

When I turn 18, I left my mother house. I left with just my clothes and little money I make from work at my High school library. When I left, I said it straight to her face: "Even if I died on the street, I will never crawl back to her for help".
I end up living in the Homeless Shelter for some time, before I can find myself a place. I became a College dropped out. In my 20s, I didn't care about dating because all I can think of is work to pay Rent, or else I'm gonna end up in the Homeless Shelter again.

I started my life over from scratch. Work different minimum wage jobs, bought a used car. Move to a cheap rent bad area neighborhood. The rent here is cheap so it does help me alot in saving up money every month.
I work at a Retail job that pay me hourly and little commission. I am far far from rich, but I do make enough to support myself. I keep my words, never once I come back to my mom for help.

Times sure fly by fast, I'm already 30 year olds. It clearly that I don't have a close relationship with my mom at all. I forgave her for how she treated me in my childhood. I thought I left my childhood behind me when I walk out of her house, but subconsciously I don't think I have let it go.

I'm poor, but I'm Financially independent. I live within my means, and I am frugal. Every month beside pay Rent/Bills. Left over money, I put my Saving accounts. I do have an obssesion with saving money. Am I too obssesed with saving money? Well, I'm on my own, so have no choice but save up money for survival when it come to emergency and rainy days.

Financially, my parents are doing well here in US, they have 3 Chinese restaurants business here. They sure don't need their children help.
The poor one is their daughter because I chose to leave, I chose to be on my own. I chose the poor life because I want Freedom. I am NOT a fish in a bowl, I am not a bird in a cage for my mom to control and dictate around.
I love my freedom and my independent life too much. I rather live in the homeless Shelter again if I have to. I don't want to go back to that controlling life and that hell house of my mother again. Hope this make sense.

I'm the girl that hiked the mountain by myself. The girl would drive for hours to the top of the mountain. I love snow, I love skiing. I love to travel alone to different places. I love the street, I love nature. I go where ever life drift me to.
I’m just so used to be a wanderer, the independent and carefree girl. I love doing charity. I love to help out the homeless, volunteer on holiday at Homeless shelter.
I want to go to poor third world countries to do volunteer/charity works, help those hungry/orphaned childrens there. This is my life, I love my freedom. The life that I can fly freely like a bird in the sky.

Continue on my reply below...