Honeatly rainbow, as a gay woman I think this sounds more like a platonic "girl crush" than erotic attraction. The girl crush is a phenomenon specific to tween/ younger teen girls where girls ( straight or gay) develop powerful almost obsessive feelings for an older woman. They will think she is the most beautiful, stylish, smart, accomplished woman, want to be around her constantly, hang on her words...
As a female veterinarian in barns full of girls I have beeN the object of a few girl crushes. It is a sweet, platonic and developmentally normal thing even though the feelings can be intense.
I have also as a young girl had girl crushes and they are not like the crushes I have when i.am erotically interested in someone. I sure don't think . of anyone I want to.have seX with as a fairy godmother. That screams girl crush
Maybe it would make you feel.more in control to know this is just your inner tween coming out