Thanks everyone!

Kaliope: It's hard not to worry about what's going on at her house when the kid is so affected by it. He's drugged up most of the time, and has a lot of emotional distance and withdrawal issues. I find that I have to worry, a bit, about what is going on in her house so that I can handle his questions or issues when they come up in a way that isn't going to exacerbate the problem or make him feel like he is in the wrong.

As for my bf getting therapy.... I wish. She took him to therapy several times during their marriage, but each family session she did most of the talking and for his private sessions she coached him as to what to say and what to report. (I'm not just taking his word on this; he signed release forms and got his psyche notes released, and I've read through them, at his request.) He is done with therapy, as it was just another method she used to control him and maintain the upper hand. It's incredibly frustrating, to put it mildly.

I have usually had a rule not to date guys with young kids and this is a big part of why; baby mama drama. Ooops.

Thanks for reaching out, everyone.... it helps knowing that I'm not trying to wade through this mental minefield alone.