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Old Apr 30, 2015, 02:01 PM
tennisteam tennisteam is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2013
Location: CA
Posts: 43
I have been crying for days and I don稚 know how I will go on without T. I知 finally terminating after his continuing cancellations, being late (he always made up late time, but still), forgetting to call me when we had a phone session and on an on. I wrote about this here a year ago when I was already at my wits end, and nothing has changed. http://forums.psychcentral.com/psychotherapy/331046-getting-very-confused-re-boundaries.htmlWhat would happen is that there would be several weeks in a row where he would cancel or forget, or get the appointment mixed up and I would raise a huge fuss. For the most part, he would always make excuses, tell me that I need to learn how to let others be human, that my strong reactions were from my fears of abandonment when I was a child, etc. Sometimes I he would seem angry that after all the time we worked together, I should just trust him.

I swear, I worked so hard to give him every benefit of the doubt and really examine if the problem was me and my overreacting. Usually after I raised hell, he would then be better for 6 or 8 or maybe 12 weeks and then it would start happening again. Earlier this year, he cancelled a Thursday session and we set up a weekend call. He forgot. He did the exact same thing the following week. This last Thursday, he cancelled the afternoon before - no apology, no checking to see if I would be ok, nothing. I finally made an appointment with another therapist and told T i知 terminating. Next week is our last session and part of me just wants to postpone, maybe ask for a few months, etc, but part of me knows this is what I have been doing for years.

I saw T for over 4 years and he has been there with me through the toughest times in my life. He helped me through the death of close family member, the end of several toxic relationships, problems at work and generally problems in trusting others. Due to a neglected and abused childhood, I never trusted or really truly loved anyone, until he taught me how. He responded to texts, emails and if I really needed an extra session, he would accomodate me if he could. I have felt deeply in love with him and he very gently handled my transference, so now I feel like I can start talking about it and working through it. I still have a ways to go - I知 working through my childhood trauma and relationship with my mom, and working to make changes in my current relationships (letting people in, trusting them). I have certain life goals that I have always thought I was not good enough to ever accomplish and I知 almost to the point where I might be able to try, but I still feel like I need support and encouragement. I just dont believe that there can be another T out there who could help me like he did and spend all that extra time responding to my texts and calls.

I work really hard in therapy and I wish there was something more I could have done. I am devastated and alone and in pain. I don稚 know if I will ever find a T as half as good as he was (when he was there). I also wonder if I知 doing the right thing and whether staying with him I would be better off. I could use any thoughts, support or guidance anyone may have.
Hugs from:
AllHeart, eeyorestail, junkDNA, LonesomeTonight, PeeJay, rainbow8, ScarletPimpernel, thepeaceisinthegrey