I'm still new around here but I think you know I'm pretty unstable. Most of the time better than I used to be when I was working and before the blessing of menopause but still very unstable and extremely hard to treat. And for most of my adult life I have been very unstable, on and off different meds and various doses, trying anything to get some stability.

But even with that I can say it IS possible to get a lot better if the meds just get to the ideal place and you happen to be in a good place too. In 2009 I was started on an MAOI (Emsam) and because it was stimulating my Seroquel was doubled to 600 mg and I changed from ativan to klonopin which was a really good change for me. I was also taking nuvigil and I kind of think that started about that time as well. That combination of meds (plus lithium and side effect meds) made me really well for the first time. I still struggled with work but I was able to really enjoy life. I slept on a routine schedule. I lost weight and kept it off for a long time. I was just in general happy and people did not know about my illness. I wasn't wearing it on my sleeve anymore. That lasted over a year and then I caught whooping cough (allergic to the shots so I didn't have them in full doses and didn't get immunity) and was physically really sick for months. I was also have gyn issues at the time and so physically I wasn't nearly as good as I was psychiatrically for a change. But I still did great up until a drug we had no way of knowing I'd react to was given during surgery for the gyn issues and that was the end of my good time. But I had an entire 14 months of doing GREAT and it would have gone on longer if only I wasn't allergic to those shots and if they'd given zofran instead of reglan during surgery.

I called that time "my miracle" and I really believe it was. I wasn't able to do anything i wanted but I definitely could do most things without having to think about whether I was well enough to do it. When I told my supervisor at work that I had bipolar as part of explaining why I would be off work for extra time around surgery (I thought I had to go off the MAOI for 2 weeks before but was able to go on a special protocol to avoid that) she was visibly surprised and said 'well you sure cover THAT well". Nobody had ever said that to me before.

So don't give up. The right meds in the right doses can make a huge difference and did for me even after I'd been on a good 40-50 cocktails by then over 11 years since I started treatment for "depression".

There IS hope, lots of it. There are so many meds now and new ones coming out all the time. Just 13 years ago there were I believe 3 meds approved for bipolar. We've come a long way since then and new stuff is due out soon. There is always hope.