I feel stupid for saying this, I hate my looks, I feel I should I stop eating more what I have. I am 161, and mostly muscle. I work out a lot, and I'm planning on eating less. I can't do this. I need my belly the rest of it shrunk. I'm sick, emotionally of the isolation, being a dude sucks royally. You can make it better, it's all comes down to people don't give a **** and rather they rather piss all over you and pretend it's all your fault.

Intimacy is non existent with me. I'm hateful, and I'm sick emotionally.

I'm an isolationist I like being a hermit. I do go out time to time, when I get overwhelmed by hallucinations and delusions from being isolated. It doesn't help much.

I don't want to talk about this and be here.

Why I can't I be a girl and lose weight look pretty and get attention and things given to me popularity all of that? I do have a great personality when I choose to show it in public which I do a lot. People like me, at least I'd like to think when it comes to friends. They don't talk to me they expect me to go to them.

I think I should just get rid of my phone. I need to delete everyone out of my life, my mom dies then I got no one. No one to tell me I'm doing something right. After that, I feel that I don't want to live, **** being a tough dude. I don't care, I'm sick of this ignorant manly or girly ********. I just want someone to care about me. Rather, I don't care about other people more recently, because they don't care back. I don't get appreciated no one gets anything.

I don't care anymore. People just need to go away and pity someone else.