T,
You said to me, today, that "... when you let go of me you have me because when you let go of me I can get closer to you. Because then it's not crazy." I replied, "You're not afraid to get closer to me then?"

You said, "It's not fear, it's that it's ok then. I'm not feeding into something that is unhealthy." I said, "You mean that you won't hurt me?" You replied, "Right. I'm not going to hurt you." I said, "I don't mean physically I mean emotionally." You agreed, "Right. Emotionally."

Now here's my thought... The idea of us being closer. You even mentioned friends once while at the same time revealing reservations in saying that to me. So if the idea of being closer to you is something that I would love... Why isn't that enough to make me want to let go of you? Do I need to get to the point where I can 'take you or leave you,' so to speak? It feels like you are saying you can have something when you no longer want it.

If that's not a mind f*** I don't know what is.

I trust you though. I'm not angry about this it just seems almost impossible but you keep telling me that it is possible. Maybe I need to go back to what you said months ago, "Leave me alone when I'm not around." That might mean posting here less and trying to be more present rather than thinking about you.

I just want to say one more thing that I will probably never say this way, I love you so much. I love you for the way you care for me and my wellbeing. I love you for treating me better than my parents ever did. Thank you.