I have a bit of a conundrum. I very much want to see a therapist for my PTSD, but I kind of need therapy to see a therapist. I went to therapy when I was in high school, and I saw a counselor while I was in college, but I'm scared to go to a therapist. I got attached to my therapist, and then I wasn't able to see them anymore, so I'm really scared about opening up to a new therapist. Plus, I don't want to have to spill my guts to someone if it turns out it wouldn't be a good fit. I've been through some long-term, severe stuff, and I don't have the strength to spill my guts to several people who don't work out. In fact, knowing myself, I would probably stay with someone I didn't click with rather than try to find another therapist. My rationalization would be, "At least I'm getting some therapy, right?".

tl;dr Opening up to potentially several people about the stuff I've been through is too much. I don't even know how to properly carry on a relationship with a therapist.

Any recommendations? I'm just so scared to see someone.