Thanks to a killer combo that is my anxiety and crippling depression (with a side of Asperger's and gender identity disorder to spice things up), I have been fired from my job. My panic attacks make work difficult, to say the least, and since I was on probation because of being a new-ish employee they had a right to fire me for no reason at all.

The nice thing about being fired is that it brought my social anxiety back into full swing, and now I'm afraid to leave the house. Whoopee.

On top of that, I have a minor to moderate panic attack whenever people express anger. Any anger, whether directed at me or not. Just listening to my aunt scream at her computer put me in a "fight or flight" sort of situation, and it took half an hour of mindless mouse clicking and rocking before I was chill again. At work, an angry customer was just enough to have me out of sorts for the rest of the day, and two was a surefire full blown panic attack with an added +5 bonus to my growing social anxiety.

So now I'm jobless, broke, and have no way to pay for my recent trip to the looney bin.

It's worse because my anxiety is making my gf's depression worse, and she gets frustrated because I get stuck in these little fits where all I can do is apologize non-stop and berate myself for being so pathetic. She says I can stop if I seek help and just /try/ to change my mindset, but I can't. I'm too weak, and too overall pathetic. She'll just raise her voice a little when VERY frustrated, and it's enough to have me stuttering and crying like a girl and whimpering for forgiveness. I'm USELESS. There's no logical reason to be as terrified as I get, but it happens.

And don't even get me started on my long list of phobias.

TL;DR, I'm just venting. I've honestly given up hope that I'll ever be better and I'm honestly just waiting for my GF to break off the engagement so I can kill myself and save the world the trouble of dealing with me anymore. Sorry to make you also deal with me.