i'll do my best to try to answer from my perspective, as a layman with NO formal psychology education, just from my own experience...so don't take it as anything other than that. My experience only. I do think that one has to be "ready" to do this kind of work. Again this is just my opinion and who knows how one can know when they are ready, other than for me, I met my t, felt an immediate connection with her, a "click" of connection or something, and I really dived right in headfirst...

1) For me, as I started more and more feeling my own self worth, I have finally been able to get to the realization inside myself that I choose how I react to things - that doesn't mean I can control external stuff, but I can control how I choose to respond to things. Grounding/centering exercises help here. I tend to "go all up in my head" and learning how to catch myself when it starts, and ground myself, has been a huge help. I got something from a dream one time - this: "I asked the universe 'why is it always me who has to change?' And the universe replied: 'Because, my dear, you are the only one you CAN change.'"

2) I started seeing gradual changes in my thoughts early on in therapy actually. I think just having someone truly LISTEN to me - started the healing. I've never truly felt heard my entire life until therapy; and now I have learned to make myself be heard by the people in my life. At first I noticed I was starting to worry less. The next big a-ha that therapy was working was my sister told me she noticed me making eye contact with people at a family gathering and actually having conversations, not just mumbling one word and looking at the floor. And when I was confident enough in myself to go for the job I have now - that was a biggie. I was so scared about it I didn't even tell t I applied, didn't tell her until I knew I had the job. Silly me. Sometimes I did leave sessions feeling worse than when I went in. I got brave enough to tell t one time and we did sessions 2 times a week a couple different times to get me through those rough times and it really helped.

3) I wish I KNEW how it works!! I just know that for me, it did. My t told me a lot "trust the process". I told her more than once that my process could go take a flying leap. Just being open and honest with her especially during those times was key I think. We talked about things, she sometimes would ask questions, she mostly let me figure things out on my own, I had told her early on the first time I noticed she was letting me figure things out, that I appreciated that, since for me anyway, I learn much better if I figure things out for myself. I'd think outloud with her and talk myself through things with her encouragement. She never really TOLD me anything was anything - she is very fond of reminding me that I have the answers inside myself that she is helping me get to those answers, like peeling back the layers of an onion. She basically taught me how to do this "inner work". Something that she does in addition to the depth therapy is sand play - she's a certified sand play therapist - when I still saw her in person (the first year, then she moved and we've done phone sessions for 2.5 years since) I often did sand trays, she would be silent and just watch me create them, and listen to my talking to myself, and then after I was done we'd look at it together and talk about it. My therapy was very much a collaboration between the two of us - she definitely walked beside me on my journey. Instead of "interpreting" events I'd share with her, she'd ask questions, and we'd talk about them. I very much did a lot of work on my own between sessions as well. (dream work/active imaginations) She did teach me how to do dream work - I'd never heard of it before her - and I do a lot of it on my own now and have learned much on my own as I continue to work with my dreams. She says all the time "the work never stops" - even though I'm not doing therapy anymore, I still do my inner work. It became a part of me.

4) I don't know about not having many childhood memories. I do. And we talked through many of them, I did a lot a lot of writing about them and workings out about them. Sand trays were helpful in that area. We did a lot of "inner child" work. That is some of the hard stuff. Wish I could be of more help there.

I don't know if any of this helps you or not. But I at least wanted to try. Best wishes to you in your search for healing.