Terminology can be a pain in the butt. I tried to explain the leader to my T by calling it the main one and then I found out that it is referred to as the host.

Ask your T what techniques your T wants you to use to bring the leader out. I think people here refer to it as grounding techniques.

No, we can't always choose who is out either. The more stressed I am the more likely it is that the host will be off somewhere else.