I am going through a really tough time and could use others' perspectives.

I got engaged about five months ago, which was kind of an impulse decision. It happened following a really strange manic period and a hospitalization and I said yes to him thinking it would bring me some much needed stability. I did it with the best of intentions. I truly do love this man and many aspects of our life together (we live together now) but I am feeling more and more unfulfilled with each passing day. My fiance is a wonderful person but our personalities just do not jive in a lot of ways and I'm feeling like a big part of my soul is being neglected. I have been on a med cocktail that seems to be working (?) for about five months now. I am not working and collecting state assistance for my disability.

What I'm wondering is, am I crazy or manic for wanting to call off this engagement? I find myself obsessing over thoughts of travel, especially to go see an old flame that I still have deep feelings for. Is it just my personality to be constantly on the move with no stability or is it part of my illness? I get to a point which my fiance terms insatiable in terms of wanting to get out and do things, have intense conversations. I get to a point where nothing will satisfy me and I get lost in my fantasy world. I have been sleeping less lately and would definitely say I'm hypomanic. ...I thought my meds would get rid of these feelings but they are just as intense as ever.

Like someone else on here posted recently - I seem to be always going through different phases. Each time I think I am making the right decisions for my life, then a few months go by, I realize I was all wrong and move on to the next thing. It's just that at this point I've been through so many phases and made so many mistakes that I do not trust my decision making ability. Should I leave a situation in which I feel unfulfilled or should I stick it out because it's what's best for me? Is this feeling of not being fulfilled a symptom of my illness?

The good thing is that my fiance and I have an open line of communication and I have been very honest with him about all of this. Unfortunately my T and prescriber are both ****** right now and not much help at all.

I'm just so confused. Here I am at yet another crossroads in life with no idea which way to turn. Do I do what FEELS right or stick with logic? Am I doomed to be unhappy either way? I've read a lot of stuff that says to follow your intuition but I know that my intuition will lead me to instability.

Any thoughts would be appreciated!