It is my opinion that those of us with bipolar (and I'm really only speaking from my own experience here) will always have a part of us that will feel unfulfilled, no matter what situation we are in, and no matter how great our lives are at the time. We want all of life, not just a piece of it. We want to experience everything: live in many different types of places, be with many different types of people, pursue many different types of careers or passions. To us the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Unfortunately we are caged in by our bodies, the amount of years allotted to us, and the amount of physical resources we are in charge of. With that being said, I think that a big challenge for those with bipolar is to make the most of and find meaning in the opportunities we are presented with in life.

I had similar doubts about being married when I was in the engagement period. Was I making the biggest mistake of my life? Should I go through with it? Would this relationship hold me back from other opportunities that I had the ability to pursue at the time? I ended up marrying him, and yes, I was held back from other opportunities because of the relationship. Yes, I still end up having feelings for other men, even though I am married.

But I also feel as though I have made a great decision. I am happy with the way my life is now, even though I always feel that calling to experience other types of lives. My husband is not abusive. He tells me he loves me and that I am beautiful nearly every day. We have mutual friends and family who supported our relationship almost from the very start and still do today. Of course, there are levels where we don't connect and at times I feel lonely and want to reach out to other people to meet those needs. However, I need to be careful that I don't ruin a relationship that I spent so much time cultivating. But I feel that I can be satisfied in my marriage and I feel that my husband is a good partner who will work with me in building a life that we can both be proud of and be happy living.

I don't know what the right decision is for you. I do know that marriage is a sacrifice though. I guess the real question is: Is what you are sacrificing worth what you will get in return from the marriage?