i completely understand what you mean and I think I know at least in my experience, what happens. I'm an emotionally-driven person so when it comes to being infatuated with a woman, if she particularly piques my interest and desire, It can last quite a long time without her even doing anything.

There is still someone that sticks in my heart and mind to this day and she was someone I've never dated or been with or even know beyond just having worked with her for a time. Yes there was some interaction but I really don't know her. but I did become infatuated with her very much and still sometimes have feelings about her wishing I could be with her.

it's not logical and there is no reason for these thoughts and feelings to linger but there they are. I think what happens to people or at least in my case is, I tend to be very romantic and in a fantasy way. I fantasize so vividly about what could be that it overtakes reality and this is what becomes the obsession. Likely not even close to what the reality is of what would be. One can ideallize a person to the extreme that they become a perfect mate in our imagination and this becomes extremely difficult to let go of. After all it's our ideal in love and relationships and an intangible, imaginary one so very hard to remove from our heads.

I don't really have a solution as I said this lady remains in my heart too and it's been probably 3 yrs since I worked with her. i dont' even know if she's still at the place I worked. I think part of the change would be making myself realize just how little i know of her and how I really don't know at all how it would be to be with her. but lacking any negatives about her specifically it becomes a tough thing to do.

good luck with this. I empathize with you as someone that does the same things.