That sounds very scary to me. I hope you can find some help for yourself. I have no idea on how to help you. I wish I did. Feel free to post anytime when you feel like it. If you need to act "crazy", try not to insult yourself or depress yourself about that. If your mind does something odd, it is just what it is doing not a statement on who you are. I suspect everyone's mind does something weird at times. I am just lucky enough that it is just depression and some social anxiety without DID. If I am dead wrong, please forgive me for my lack of expertise.