Thank you CANDC. I am trying to open up but it's been pretty hard to talk about it. I have a lot of personal guilt that, even though I know it's irrational, it will not go away. I'm working on finding a therapist but since I'm a Veteran, I'm waiting on VA appointments. I've been going to a Survivors of Suicide group that does help but with many people, you can seem to get lost in the talks. I can't talk about this with my Mom as she is suffering too. None of my friends quite understand what I'm going through and my husband doesn't either.