Quote:
Originally Posted by Claritytoo
I have two little ones who look like each other. Like me when I was small. They used to be in a dark place with a guard keeping them in or keeping us out. It was hard to tell. With help from my t we moved the girls out of the cold dark into a place with heat and light. I wanted them closed but they say we are not ready. The guard just let them out when we asked him. Again all in my minds eye. We spend a lot of time looking in having cross talk in my mind. It's a perception of how we think. When I was working I had to spend a lot of time looking out and communicating with in the world. We do think it is healthier to look out. Looking in isolates.
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Yes. that is a good point too about looking in and out. i find the more dissociative i am, the more i get stuck inside and the less i am able to really fully be present in the external world. it isn't in my control though, so it makes it really difficult when i have things that need to be done in the external world yet there isn't as much ability mentally or physically to be able to do it or focus on it because internally things take precedence and at times it's like walking through heavy mud.
i also at times have a lot of swirling images and thoughts and things in my head. they aren't anything concrete, and sometimes they are very far away in my head so i cannot see them but feel them. it also can confuse things for me when i am trying to focus on the external world.
i have spent a lot of time inside to a degree and just the last few years have been more in the external world more, so when the dissociation happens again it really throws me off track. it's kind of like a roller coaster that i don't always know i am on.