I struggle with allowing myself to "take" things...I've so much wanted to feel that part of T is mine...I've so wanted to hold her within me with entitlement...I guess this week I allowed myself for an hour to allow myself this entitlement...I told her today that I am afraid to allow myself to say I belong there...that the part of T I share with the rest of her life is mine...I said I feel like all this love is sitting on a table top and I walk around it looking at it and daring to touch it but afraid she will snatch it away and laugh at my mistake of thinking I could take it...laugh at my thinking I had an entitlement ot it?....T said could I allow myself to practise it for a bit? I said I guess I must be already or I wouldnt have been able to speak about it...T said "well part of me/this is yours"....I said everyone wants to be able to say this is "mine"...I've always wanted to feel something was "mine"...T said you are afraid if you've made a mistake you will fall apart inside?...i said yes...that intense shame and shattering into a million pieces....I want to be at a place where if I allowed myself to take for granted something is mine and then to have it snatced away that I won't feel as if its my thought...that I'd shrug my shoulders at the "snatcher" and carry on....I know T is wanting me to "take" I see her body directed forward at me as we talk and I think...should I? Is it safe?...I think it maybe safe and I think I may feel safety within me if I took and found out later it wasn't mine to take...I would survive!