Thank you dear friend - NewLyfeForReal
I appreciate that you took the time to read my long post and write a comment.

Actually, I am sitting right now and writing him a letter. A confession letter which is, at last, the truth, explaining everything about why I behaved the way I did because of my feelings for him.

I know that a letter (which I will eventually send him by email) is not the ideal way, but at this point he won't really talk to me, and I admit that I am also terrified of the thought of a face to face conversation, as I might start crying in my current situation, and I wouldn't like for him to see how totally broken I am right now.

I do have a problem in my life about expressing my feelings. Even though I am an artist, and a very warm person, at the moment that I have to expose myself a little more - I run away and hide, and maybe it's time to put an end to this, and learn how to be honest about my feelings, starting with the most difficult case in my life right now, which is him.

I did grow up in a house where my feelings sometimes didn't count, or I was taught to hide them, that as a female, it is not my job to initiate relationships etc. but I know that deep inside it was never right for me.

I really hope that we will both be capable of dealing with that emotions, and that it won't hurt our work, but I know I can only control my own reaction, and can't be responsible for his.

As I wrote him at the letter - I wish that someday we can be good friends again, and laugh openly about it together.

I hope to have a real courage to send this letter soon.
Wish me luck! and thank you again.