I really appreciate everyone's comments. I called my T. friend who is highly respected and she said she'd meet with me to discuss what I should do and options. I think I just need another mental health expert to either say to stick with it because I will learn from the transference or to end it because it's getting in the way.

The comparison I have is the feelings I have for her must be how others feel about their mothers when they are young. Almost like I'm in love with her but not in "that way". And, she knows this. I saw her 5 years before this off and on and had absolutely no feelings. I don't necessarily go back to feeling nothing but I wish the intensity would lessen. Maybe it's feeling insecure about the relationship. Some weeks I'm completely fine - just might miss her a little. Other weeks it's pain like this due to the subject matter or our interaction. I know the goal is to grieve my mom.

She told me I'll have to grieve my mom on my own. I told her she didn't get it. If she tells me to do that, I won't. I will push it away because I'm so mad at my mom. I'm making myself come to therapy to process it all so I can put it behind me. I NEED her to make me do it. I feel like once I move through that, I can space the sessions. After all, I don't want to go to her weekly forever. I plan to tell her this Monday.