I met her 2 years ago now, we worked together in a bar and there was an immediate attraction. I was much more shy and introvert when I met her and she's very extroverted but found me cute, she said that I wasn't like other guys, I was different. I was always friends with girls through school and I new what they liked, I played up to it and I knew what would work with her. After a couple of weeks working together we had drinks after work and ended up sleeping together. We were seeing each other casually for a couple of months and then she popped the 'what are we doing question' at first I wasn't sure but mainly because I was so shy. I was definitely a late bloomer, I lost my virginaty at 19 and had only been with 3 girls, 2 of which happened to be in same week that I slept with her. I think that's where some of the problem stems from, not that I condone sleeping around but I feel like just as I was discovering sex and could have been out having fun I found myself agreeing to a long term relationship. The physical attraction is there, she's amazing! we are like best friends, I'm a quiet person usually but I can really be myself around her and we chat and laugh all day. She's helped me through a lot this this year and I wouldn't be here without her, I've had severe physical health issues that are still ongoing and she's the one that made me go to doctors, I lost my job and with it thousands of pounds they owed me, shes paid for food far too many times now. I lost my dad and she was there for me, I've grown close with her friends and family, likewise she has with mine and they all think we're gonna get married, I know she loves me with all of her heart and I love her. I'm just not getting that feeling everyone talks about that she's definitely the one, even though I tell her she is, how do I know? I've not been in a relationship before but I want nothing more than to be with her for life. I grew up around domestic violence and as a result I toned my emotion down (not sure how else to explain) like a defense mechanism it stopped me getting depressed as a kid and I rarely get angry but now I think it stopped me being happy or love. I almost feel emotionless I only feel sadness, which makes me quite and withdrawn sometimes and she thinks I'm annoyed with her but I'm not. I think she's beautiful, funny, driven and I can really see us spending our lives together. We talk everyday and I feel miserable when I'm not with her. She works abroad for a couple of months at a time and where I've been ill I've stayed in a lot, smoked weed and been overthinking things far too much. My mind wonders when she's not here and although I'd never cheat part of me wonders what it's like to be with someone else and id like to think I'd say no if the opportunity come up. I shouldn't have these thoughts should I? I know I've been depressed recently and I don't know if it's just that or insecurities because she's a couple of years older than me a lot more experienced than me with relationships. can I really not feel emotion? am I a bad person for making her fall in love with me and not being sure? What do Now?