Oh, Breezy Day, hugs to you. That's actually very sadistic abuse, and would cause trauma as deep as any physical or sexual abuse--in fact probably more deep. Systematic abusive treatment has a deep affect on your development. Perhaps you have internalized all these sadistic people as a defense mechanism... if you can do the abuse to yourself through your inner world, then you have a sense of control over it, and you can numb yourself to the abuse delivered by the external world.

The people who would do this to you are probably deeply enmeshed in their own sadism and shame. It makes me think of "Dr." Laura, although even more extreme.