While I've never been fired or let go, I've always had a hard time holding down a job.

It is the anxiety that interferes and gets me all the time. It is only with my diagnosis that I have been able to look back and understand why. The pattern is always the same. When the extreme anxiety gets me, I quit and move to another job. I blame everything and everyone except myself; usually, it's blame that the company is poorly run, or a specific incident has caused me hardship. Since 2000, I have held 29 positions (at 12 different firms).

The pattern is the same. I perform well - very well (owing to my fear of failure and doing something wrong) . I start a new job and rapidly fly up the chain to supervisory and ultimately management positions. My anxiety increases with each change and/or promotion to the point that I can't sleep and can't funtion in my life outside of work. Eventually the anxiety is so bad that I am working on maybe 4 hours of sleep. And when I do sleep I dream of every possible disaster that may face me the following day. It is as though I wake up having already done an 8 hour shift. This continues until I can no longer maintain the routine and usually ends in a panic attack.

I blame some significant event - like a customer attacking me (which might be where my schizoid affective comes in) in order to transfer to a position of no responsibility or quit altogether. Then it starts all over again. I perform well, get promoted, panic, self-demotion, perform well, get promoted, panic, self-demotion, etc, etc, etc.

I am fortunate that the province I live on considers bipolar a disability. The assistance barely covers food and rent but I am at least able to manage - and somewhat remain sane.