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PetulantWolf said:
i got a 30. i would love to get a high score. it would be so nice to not feel like a completely unlovable severely disturbed drunken *** at least once in a while.

congrats to thosewithhigh scores. do you have any advice?

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Congruence, Petulant Wolf! At least feel what you feel like? My middle name was "Danaher" (Dan-a-her, my grandmother's maiden name) and I use to call myself/pronounce it "Damn-it-her" :-) I got really good at it until it worried me that I was getting a little too good at it and enjoying it too much? That and referring to myself as a "psychiatric basket case" :-) But I think we need to identify with these things a bit instead of only struggle against them?

Struggling against means there is something to the other side that is independent/not "us"? If I were you I'd spend some time referring to yourself as a CUDSSA :-) (or maybe just CUDSA which is easier to remember/pronounce). It's YOUR label so make it completely your judgement/label and eventually you'll get tired of it and change it to something more pleasing.

I decided I wanted to grow up to be "warm, wise, and whimsical" so I had a teeshirt made that says, "3W Woman" which I wore to remind myself what direction I wanted to head. It's about "focus;" you can't learn/develop self-esteem if you only look at the other side. We're a mix of things; you're not just a CUDSA and/or CUDSA doesn't have to mean what it does now. You could be a Cuddly Underneath D'ese Symptoms of Anxiety person :-)