Do you ever feel younger than your years? Lost time? The majority of my 20's were squandered in a haze of prescription drugs and an invalidating environment. It almost feels like I slept for years. I fell asleep at 18. And I woke up now, 10 years later.

Now I am moving and taking college classes. My anxieties, what I cannot share with anyone: choosing a medicare advantage plan--hoping it's nothing too obviously "medicare" because I don't want to relive the awkward moment an ignorant nurse points out, "But this insurance is for people who are 65"; deciding whether or not to wear long sleeves to cover my faded, yet still noticeable, scarred arms in my new area (though if I'm really honest, I'm certain I'll endure the discomfort as I have for years.) People have no tact; finding a psychiatrist, a doctor, when I say the word "Bipolar" it changes what I am to most people.

The ever-present question, "what can I really see myself doing?"--the frightening answer to this has been "I don't know." I'm still receiving SSDI. I've held several jobs (all except for one were retail) in the past few years in an attempt to "normalize". I had such difficulty holding down a job. How will I ever "grow up"? How will I ever get away from all this?