junkDNA, that's me to. It seems so strange because I am over 40 and have never even admitted to stuff really until this t. Part of me is TERRIFIED of what is coming ahead because I am well aware that I removed emotions long long ago and that is the main thing he keeps talking about starting with. Then there is another part of me in there somewhere that wants to tell so bad. Like maybe if he makes me tell him it will get better. (I know it isn't a t's job to 'make' anything, but I am not allowed in myself to just 'tell'..... if that makes any sense).

I am massively conflicted with it all coming up. Just as terrified as I am at the thought of 'feeling' and how bad it might be,,,, I am equally hoping it will be horrible. It's like part of me wants things better and the other part wants everything to hurt miserably.

Geeeee,,,,, I might need to seek counseling or something. I think I might have a problem