To respond to last few posts about distinguishing people asking for validation vs blowing steam, vs asking for real opinions, etc.

I'll tell you, when I started posting here, I got on some people's nerves and pissed them off. The reason was that the titles of threads were confusing. People would ask a general question, only for it to be about their specific situation. They would ask a specific question, only to criticize whole of therapy. They would seem to want to vent, only to be pissed if you don't take their view seriously enough on an intellectual level. And finally, they would ask a seemingly purely logical question asking for information, and when you provided it, they would reject it and say the answer is subjective and appear hurt for you not being validating to them!

These things angered me, partly because people were reacting badly to me who was trying to help and feel supported myself, but also because it would trigger me and remind me of my mom who would often say one thing but there was often a different purpose to what seemed to be the obvious thing on the surface that she was bringing up with me.

Still from time to time people's posts confuse me. And then there are people who just post un-supportive statements as if that's their whole purpose here, mocking therapy, or exaggerating risks and dangers of therapy. I often want to post and say stop that, this person is new, give them realistic information, but don't pass on your own fears and judgements as information. But then I realize those people too are probably struggling with things. Why else would they keep posting here?

I'm going somewhere with this. My point is that I think sometimes people themselves are not really aware of what they want when they make a post. I been there myself. A lot of people who don't feel validated often, usually ask questions in indirect ways, because they might feel vulnerable coming out and just saying some stuff. Why? Cause it's too painful to be invalidated when you directly ask for something, it's triggering for some people. So sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously, they mask the real issue.

So that's why - and just emphasizing it's my personal opinion - saying that "this is purely a venting thread" or that a certain person only wants agreements in X thread, is not gonna work. Either people not gonna bother replying, the replies gonna sound fake, or the person is going to realize this was not a purely venting thread, that they want to discuss some stuff also, that venting is just the start of it.

Anyhow, probably the way it works is just people trying to constantly be reminded that don't get too involved in issues of people who post (they have therapists often who know better than strangers on a forum), give informative advice after some reflection only, and then step back and don't get personal and stuff or take responsibility for people or alternatively chide them for not following your advice. You just don't know the state of mind of person who posted or what's really going on with them. Even therapists who meet people in person would take a long time to really diagnose or get to know a person. Online is much harder still.

I'm not saying this as if it's easy for me to do. I struggle with both sides of this equation.