Zen this is not directed at you personally, so please don’t take it that way, but knowing me for so long you would expect this kind of response from me,

(end stage 1, apologist)

I would like to try and explain me current state of mind at this time, and what I am trying to avoid waking up to every day…………

How would you feel if, everyday when I log on here, and I look at what I posted the day before, to see if I have progressed in any way, shape or form, or not, I thank the DID for that, to find that No,

( enter stage 2, depression,),

I have not progressed, and that you are still exactly where you were the day before, and the day before that, ect, which causes me to take yet another step back from myself with the thinking that I may not be able to cope, yet one of my alters can,

( stage 3, anxiety),

maybe he should be the one in control?, not me?, how is that helping me?. Please do tell…………………

(stage 4, denial)

no one is asking proper questions of anybody lately, which you need to do to make yourself think, when you think, you heal, well I do anyway,

(stage 5, regret)

Those of you that remember me in the chat room days, I was able to “multitask” for a better word, I could quite easily have multiple conversations, both funny and serious running concurrently for hours, I answered questions asked about myself, and asked questions of them, i felt like that was helping, it was working, what I am saying is what happened to those days?

(Stage 6, pragmatic) ( http://www.thefreedictionary.com/pragmatic)

Today has I see it…………………..

Its the same questions, regurgitated, reworded, call them whatever you want, they all amount essentially to the same thing, same old crap everyday, when a serious question is posted by anybody nowadays on this site, I would say 8 out of 10 replies, if they even get that many replies, are hugs, no advice, no sharing, no nothing, nothing but distraction techniques to avoid answering a question that could help somebody, that’s just the way I see it, censor me, edit me, bar me, whatever

(Stage 7, hope)

for once I want to wake up in the morning, ok afternoon, and read something that I know I had to think seriously about, before answering, because then, even if I don’t remember the day, I know I can put it on the good days side of the equasion. (sp). And not in the lost forever, or regretful file……….

(Stage 8, acceptance)

Not quite there yet………………………..

rayne i dont want the thread to be deleted, not by any stretch of the imagination, i need the thread to remain so i can look back at my moods swings, feel free to lock it, but please dont delete it.