I was so vulnerable when I had my worst "breakdown", at age 18. It lasted as long as it did partially because my closest family members treated me so differently- like I wasn't human almost, like I didn't have a future ahead of me. Isn't it terrible when you have enough of your mind to know you are being treated like you're stupid & insane?

I think, "Pull yourself together, run away from all of that. Leave it behind." And the darkest part of me, when it comes out, reminds me of how much I had fallen. It rekindles that fear of withdrawing again. It is the part that comes out, suicidal when I am depressed.