So I’m a seriously ill young woman, I have a rare disease that is possibly the first of its kind. It leaves me in crippling agony throughout my body and I have issues with almost all of my organs as well as losing a lot of my mobility and having to use crutches and a wheelchair. Anyway I’ve been in therapy for around a year to a year and a half with a really nice woman. I’ve been struggling with depression since I’ve been ill and have a lot of issues with talking about my general illness but mainly my emotions and getting across what goes through my mind. We’ve been working a lot with my feelings and have made some progress not much but some. Anyway we get along really well and she’s very encouraging. She knows I’m struggling but I don’t think she understands how much. I prefer to keep everything to myself to protect the people around me and as a result of that I’m struggling to tell my T something that I know she would be disappointed in. For a couple of months I’ve been having thoughts about dying and not wanting to live and fight anymore. I wouldn’t class myself as suicidal, I’ve just been having thoughts about death and having all my physical and mental pain dying with me and all that sort of stuff. I don’t believe I’ll act on the thoughts at all, but I do know that I should tell my T, but I don’t know how, and I’m terrified of the reaction that she’ll give me. So if anyone can possibly give me any suggestions as to how I could approach the subject, or whether or not I should or shouldn’t tell her.
(ps I don’t know if I’m posting in the right place I literally only just joined)