Thanks again for the insight everyone. Each day closer to my start day the more I am struggling with wanting to know the plans and NOT wanting to know. Having some ideas of what 'might' be the plan does help.

All weekend I keep thinking about how terrifying it is going to be to 'open' the emotions. I am sooooo scared I will freak out and frustrate my t and he will feel overwhelmed and back off. I DO want to do this and have a chance at getting better but I am scared I might be to much for him and in the end, he will leave and I have opened the box making it so much worse. If I tell him this, he slows down though because he doesn't want to trigger me. I do understand the reasons for each way, but I am still so uncertain about the next few months of my life.

Thanks for the help and ideas you all are providing.