As evidenced by the results for an "unsolicited advice" search, advice-giving is a delicate interaction no matter the circumstance. I think of it as ALWAYS trespassing in another person's life, and think it should be done with forethought and care.

I've often seen members here who seeming do their version of emulating a therapist through name calling or insults under the guise of "being honest." The preface "I like playing therapist," is a sure bet that veiled aggression will follow. I've seen all kinds of name calling, feigned omniscience, scolding and blaming: you're playing victim, you need a reality check, you're clouded by your BDP thinking, you run away from every situation, you're failing to heal the rupture, you expect him to read your mind, the common denominator is you, you're fault-finding him because you're afraid to face your issues, what's your role in your mistreatment?

I see this kind of advice in itself dishonest, coming from the giver's vanity rather than a sincere need to help the other person. I think that's the metric--is this for me or them? Another give-away is the pretense of magical mind reading. We don't know each other and certainly weren't in the room.

I think it's less intrusive to paraphrase something back to the other person, humbly: "I understand you say that she changed her own rules with you."

I frankly hate prescriptive advice. I long ago was in a career support group where we gave advice out of our own case study and vulnerability. So instead of "you should do yoga," it was "yoga seemed to pull me out of my doldrums." It's delivered a a peer-to-peer comment which isn't superior or direct, leaving the recipient to decide whether it applies.

I've had a few people "play therapist" with me in real life. It's always hostile and never ends well.