5 years ago my ex husband divorced me cruely, probably wanted a green card. Even I am not 100% sure if that is all he wanted. I have gone through a lot of pain and I am aware of that the trauma I went through with him is not solved within me. I still carry the grief and loss of what I dreamed of. He never came to my country.

He divorced me in anger as I had not done the process right and he thought he would not get here.He was very cold and cruel during the divorce and I still do think he might be an abuser and user. He divorced out of the blue when hearing me say I dont know if I get the papers I need. He changed demeanor with the blink of an eye. I would believe he was angry because he lost a lot of saved up money and they are poor down there, so I guess I can understand the anger?

I met another man after my exhusband. I left him as he used me. It was a struggle to get rid of him.

While I was still "half married" to my xhusband he vanished in anger during the revocable divorce he gave me because he wouldnt agree to see me during the process, which hurt me a lot, so I said its better he leave me if he doesnt want to see me, he vanished in anger and divorced fully, even behind my back.

I have stayed in contact with my xhusband for three years after he vanished for 7 months after the divorce ( going silent ) as he didnt want to give up on us having contact. Talked about having respect for each other. I gave in since I had a crush on this new man. I thought I would handle it fine and I did.

I left my new man ( user ) a year ago. I have no feelings at all for him anymore.

Half year ago my xhusband lost his father.

Two days ago my xhusband asked us to marry again, that I will travel to middle east, stay there and that we should do it all right this time and with no mistakes. I never thought I would even consider getting back with him and I dont know do I. I am not over the grief and trauma of the loss of what I hoped for with him. I know I dont love him the way I did as
he broke my heart and trashed my feelings cold heartedly with no consideration for the pain he let me go through. I feel stuck in the middle of knowing what I know and the still going pain from the trauma. I know somethiung must happen to get an end to being stuck. Be stuck like this or finally getting an end no matter what happens.

4 years ago I prayed to God to help me not loose him. My xhusband sent me a text those days "last chance or you have lost me" ( getting the papers right)
I was in the middle of fear of abandonment and lose him. He divorced me anyway in anger or frustration, giving me weeks of pain, on and off should he divorce or not.

5 days ago I cried to God to please give me a solution how to end the contact with my xhusband as I cant get over the grief or trauma otherwise.
At same time I cant bear to lose what I hoped for with him. I will believe this is difficult because I still have unresolved grief.
I dont wish to face the pain of cutting the contact for good. I dont want to feel his death ( emotionally )not being in my life.

Is that love or is it just the feelings of the unsolved grif/trauma?

I crid out to God from deep of my soul to please help me find an end to it as I cant do it myself, I need His help.
The last year I became born again ( I believe ) and two days ago my exhusband asked me to marry him again.

I dont know if God wants me to act or not or what to do. I will put my trust in Him. Maybe God has a plan. At least happen his will and not mine.

But I am left with lots of anxiety, confusion about what to do. Because I know by myself that something must happen for me to get past the
trauma he caused me. But I dont know what God wants me to do. I dont know myself what to do. Only I know that I wonder if there is a meaning with this.

Its weird, my sister said a month ago while I was crying "maybe its meant that he shall come to you". I said "what no no, after what he did, listen here!" I was almost offended.
But now he asked this because we now know each other. Dont know if he hs took some words from my mouth as I said this to him. Not that I really do, but at least better than 5 years ago.

He said "may God forgive him for what he did" ( to me ).

What scares me is will he do the same again, leave me. He promise he wont.

How do one solved unresolved grief/trauma. If you feel you have to do something or go throught something to get past the trauma should you do that?

I still dont know if my xhusband really knows emotionally in his heart what pain he caused me.