I'm feeling a bit frustrated today, and I'd like to ask for advice. Mainly, I want to know how I can approach these subjects with my husband (like what to say). My goal is to have an open and honest discussion with a minimum of hurt feelings or blame/guilt slinging.

Issue #1: Household chores. Literally the only chore I ask my husband to do are the dishes. (To be fair to him, he also makes us meals about half the time. I always do breakfast, but we split lunch/dinners pretty equally for who does the cooking.) I take care of everything else - laundry, kitty litter, cleaning the bathroom, living room, kitchen, bedroom, etc. All this in addition to working full time when he does not work. (He is building us a boat, so it's not like he's doing nothing, but he does not contribute any money to the household. We depend on my income alone.) He manages to have plenty of time to play his computer games, where I get to play maybe once a week if I'm lucky (and really, it's not even that often.)

It's now been 4 days since dishes were done last. We've been pretty busy the last week since the weather has been nice. But even with as busy as we've been, I've still managed to keep up with everything else around the house, yet the dishes remain un-done. I woke up this morning to find we were out of milk, so I had to make pancakes for breakfast. I actually had to wash plates and forks just so we'd have something to eat on.

How can I broach this subject with him? He knows dishes are his responsibility. And when we talk about chores, and how I'm feeling so overwhelemed with having to do EVERYTHING, he always reassures me that he'll help and do the dishes. And he keeps up with it for about 3 days. Then he slacks off, and we end up with a situation like this morning where I have to do some just so we have dishes to eat off of.

This is pissing me off to no end. In the past when it gets like this and the sink is overflowing and there are no clean dishes to eat off of, I've just broken down and done them myself. This time I refuse. It just infuriates me and makes me resentful when I have to do the ONE FREAKING CHORE that he's supposed to do.

So - enough ranting. What can I say to start a conversation that will actually yield positive results? Any phrasing ideas, or any other ideas for me? I'm at my wits end here.

Situation #2: Sex. Husband wants sex every day. I'd be happy with once or maybe twice a week. He tends to get all pissy and sulky if he isn't getting enough sex. I try to get him off with hand jobs or oral as often as I can, but lately it's just feeling like another household chore. And I hate having to pretend or put on a 'sexy act' for him just to get him off when I'm not feeling in the mood. But it's like if I don't, then he just gets all pissy/sulky and miserable to live with. Another part of the problem is that he doesn't want to 'schedule sex', he wants it to happen naturally. Which would be great, but we live in the real world with real responsibilities. As I mentioned, I work full time, and I work overtime any chance I get. So between working 8 hours a day, having to do all the housework and cooking about half the meals, finding time for sex is hard. I feel like it would take some pressure off me if I knew ahead of time when we'd be having sex, so I could plan for it and maybe even enjoy it. But the whole idea of that just offends him. So then to make it more 'spontaneous', we end up having sex just whenever, and often at the cost of other things not getting done. (For example, I have no lunch packed for work today because I had to get him off and that took up enough time that I didn't have a chance to make up a lunch ahead of time.) So now I'm hungry and cranky.

Another thing with sex - like I said above, often I'm just giving him a hand job or oral to keep him satisfied. But he never does the same for me. If he is ever trying to get me off (meaning give me an orgasm) it's always a prelude to actual intercourse. It's never just to get me off so I can enjoy myself. So I always feel under such pressure to perform that I never actually enjoy myself. (And, if you haven't read my previous posts, we've had lots of problems with sex being painful for me. I've found that it's not so painful if I can manage to orgasm before he penetrates me, but it's always a struggle to actually orgasm.)

So I'm just frustrated and grumpy today. I would appreciate any advice or support. Thanks.