I haven't made a thread here in awhile, but I could use some advice again...

Some of you may have seen my posts about starting up a business and such, and trying to finally put an end to my string of quitting and resume gaps.

Well, long story short, I gave up on it already. I decided that if I can't even hold a job, that I can't trust myself to get things done being contracted in to do things for people. Pulled my application and cancelled my appointment to get it finalized.

The next day I started applying for benefits. I didn't want to, I wanted to try and make things work, but I just don't know how. If I get them I will get job support and such (which may get me working...ish), but I feel so bad now. I just feel like I can't do anything anymore. My memory sucks, school is going terribly and I am not sure if even switching to a lighter study will help me.

My insurance won't cover my T and my Pdoc isn't exactly helpful except for helping with my cocktail and trying to encourage me to just get outside once in awhile.....and I am too impatient to see where things go and currently my mind is a mess and I am filled with so much rage that I bark at those closest to me.

I don't know what I can do with my life right now....I'm not contributing to the household or society even, I can't be a decent student, and no one will keep me as an employee...nor am I able to start something by myself....

Am I just destined to be a home body? Fingers crossed that the doctor who evaluates things for the benefits knows where I can fit in, because I am out of ideas and afraid of my future.