i think that your feelings/thoughts of welcoming death are perfectly natural for the space you are in. i do not believe that t will be disappointed in you or that she will be shocked to find out that you are feeling this way. i have to tell my own the same thing on thrusday. and i have nowhere near the reasons to be thinking of it like you do. you may start by discussing your feelings toward your situation. i imagine that you feel overwelmed and hopeless and due to these feelings you are thinking that death can bring an end to all your struggles. you can express that you are finding it difficult to want to fight anymore. you can even tell her that you question if she understands the level of pain you are in. that would be a good way to start. but again, i want to stress, that what you are going thru is perfectly natural. take care