Dear Band Name,

The only thing I can offer you is empathy as I found myself in a similar situation about 7 years ago. I was a respected and very capable employee working at the headquarters of a multinational corporation. The death of my grandfather and subsequent family turmoil, along with my personal struggle with chronic depression, combined with the pressure of operating in a high stress environment with a dysfunctional work team was my undoing. I contracted upper respiratory infection at work. It damaged my autonomic nervous system and went on long term disability for 7 months (I know, the number 7 pervades my life).

When I returned to work, tensions were heightened and I got the feeling that I was being labeled as a liability to the company. The signs were very subtle and actions covert but I felt under intense scrutiny and became quite paranoid as a result. My work performance was negatively impacted as I became less confident in my abilities which paralyzed my decision making and interpersonal skills. I was referred to Employee Assistance Program for time management issues (was forced to see a company appointed therapist) which earned me another stigma stamp on my forehead and I became deeply depressed. I felt as though I had ran out of options as I allowed this situation consume me and steal my zeal for life.

After some agonizing soul searching and discussing with a wise, non judging, someone who knows me well and not try to fix me or the situation, I finally realized that it I did not remove myself from that toxic environment, I was not going to survive mentally and perhaps even physically. I resigned and then took some time for myself (actually went backpacking through Washington state for a couple of weeks) to get my head back on straight. I determined that in spite of my education and training, working full time in a corporate environment is not the healthiest occupation for me. I started working as an contractor and also doing some solo project work from home. I did take a pay cut and I am responsible for my own benefits and retirement savings; nonetheless, I am in a better place mentally so can work consistently.

Currently, I have taken a hit from economic downturn and am weighing options including working in a corporate setting. I have to admit that I am suffering from a bit of PTSD from staying a bit too long in such an mentally and emotionally distressing job situation. For self preservation, I am cautiously self aware of what type of environment, whether occupational or social, I am subjected to and make a conscience effort to proceed with care. I am in counseling right now to help me to continue to heal from the trauma and enhance my coping skills for handling whatever lies ahead.

So I just want to let you know that your are not alone and that whether you decide to remain in your current field and serve in a different capacity (the option that worked best for me) or change fields altogether (a good friend of mine switch from academia with years of post graduate training to being a PACU nurse and he's doing very well). Find comfort in knowing that you are not at the end but more of a crossroad where you are in full control of your destiny (not the other way around) , your job does not define or rule you, and there is freedom in knowing that you can make a change.

I wish you all the best and hope you soon find the support and healing needed to attain a healthier and content life.