EJ711, I can relate to so much of this!

My mother also wanted me to be like her, or be her. She couldn't accept me as I was. She didn't know where she stopped and I began.

I was told I wasn't feeling what I was feeling. If I was afraid of or about something she would say, "Oh you are not!". She took it personally that I had interests different from hers. Reading, for example, is something I've always enjoyed. But to her, reading was doing nothing, so it really annoyed/angered her when she 'caught' me reading. We camped for vacation and it was particularly insulting to her that I would want to sit in the beautiful cool woods and read a book. Just an example.

Yes, when I was 'bad' in her eyes sometimes it would be because "Oh, you're just like your Dad!". He was very devalued, as were most men except my oldest brother. Another put-down was that "You're just like my mother!" (her mother).

I was always trying to figure out who she wanted me to be, what she wanted me to be, how she wanted me to be... so exhausting!

"Hurry" applied to everything! It seemed like another way of her saying 'You aren't good enough.'

I am just in the very initial stages of therapy and exploring all this and looking for who I am.

Life is short and I'm afraid it will be over before I have begun.